I'm calling for a do over.

I've been thinking a lot about my past lately and how I tend to repeat the same mistakes. I thought the whole point of going through shitty stuff was to learn from your bad experiences and choices so as not to keep hitting the rewind button. Recently it has occurred to me that this isn't the case with yours truly. That troubles me a great deal.

People are funny. I don't understand them and for the most part, I don't like them. The list of those I can no longer tolerate is getting longer. Believe it or not, I don't want that to be. I want to be the person who forgets and moves on. I want to be able to trust people and take them at their word. You should be able to do that I think.

I'm that person that keeps their mouth shut. I'm the one with the wary eyes, always second guessing. I'll never believe you when you say something nice to me because I'll just assume you're trying to trick me. The sad thing is, I feel that way because it is usually the case, yet I still keep letting it happen. It is a conundrum.

I guess no matter how hard I try to stay pessimistic, there is this little fungus of optimism that creeps through my blood. I can't believe, in my heart of hearts, that they're all out to get me even though I've rarely ever been proven wrong.

The truth is, humans are nasty creatures. They pollute their planet, they hurt people they're supposed to love and they lie. Some more than others but they all do it. Even those with the best intentions make bad choices and wreak havoc on the lives of others.

And I'll forgive them. Even if I come to hate them, I'll still forgive them. I learned a long time ago to choose my battles wisely. So, I'm putting down my sword and giving you the point for this match. You win. I secede.

I hadn't posted in a long time, well over two years. I looked at all my past posts and saw all my mistakes in plain site. Funny how I didn't see them at the time. So, in that good old cathartic way, I deleted them. That's as close as I can come to actually erasing them from my life. At least I'm no longer cluttering up the internets with them.